The BIG, nagging question. (And how I answered it.)

Passion. It’s one of the most powerful things we’ve got inside of us. It gnaws on us and sinks its teeth into us when we are (often) ignoring it. We choose to ignore it because [ insert your favorite excuse here ].

My favorite excuses were, “What if they laugh at me.” Or, “What if I never sell a single piece.” These are intentional periods instead of question marks because when I asked these questions of myself, they were rhetorical. Of course they will laugh at me. Of course I will never sell a single piece.

But. (The big BUT.) Passion still gnawed at me.

Ignoring the inner voice asking these charged questions, I chose to do the CRAZIEST thing: begin anyway. But shhhhhhhh, don’t tell anyone.

Tiptoeing out into unknown territory, I quietly began making art. I had a hit a crossroads in my life and I knew I needed to do something new. Would I hop back into corporate? Would I go back to school? Those were real questions with real question marks.

I would have answered the questions the exact same way as before except for one thing. The nagging pain-in-my-ass passion was gnawing on me with more intensity than before. The desire to create had more power now. I DARED ask the questions with actual question marks: “What if they laugh at me?” and “What if I never sell a single piece?”

One time, I heard an actual answer. It came to me in a playful sense: a calm, loving voice like that of my deceased grandmother’s. Her name was Grace—the perfect name—and her voice said, “Sweetheart, who cares.”

Who cares? Who CARES? Who CARES! WHO CARES, the voice said!

A flurry of emotions swirled around me. I couldn’t ignore this vulnerable self-exposure and I knew I needed to start answering. Questions flew in my head like Serena Williams serves but I stood at the NET slamming them back:

What if they think you’re not good enough?!

WHO CARES.

What if they say, “you have NO business doing this?”?!

Of COURSE you do. DO IT ANYWAY.

What if they think your paintings are total CRAP??!!

Some will, some won’t. Who cares. DO IT ANYWAY.

What if you run into challenges?

You WILL! DO IT ANYWAY.

What if there’s stuff you don’t know how to do?

Ummm, learn new stuff. DO IT.

What if you ACTUALLY succeed?!

[ s i l e n c e . ]

What if you actually succeed. Now that—that was a question I couldn’t answer. After some practice at net I was getting pretty good at returning those scary serves. But this one was coming at me in uber-dramatic-slow-motion.

Then it hit me—not the ball, the answer:

Well, then you must say thank you and just… keep… going…

We are extremely good at telling ourselves all the ways it won’t work. We are practiced in failing. We expect we will so when we actually do, it’s not as upsetting. Trouble is, we aren’t all-in, so how could we possibly succeed? Have we set it up that way?

Sometimes, we are even relieved when we don’t succeed so we can chalk it up as, “well, at least we tried.” We are undeniably crafty when it comes to finding a way out of succeeding. (The passion doesn’t stop nagging, though.)

What did SUCCESS even mean to me? I had to answer that first.

Succeeding means that I can consistently give life to my passion (without fear).

It means that I can do it, every single day. I can make money doing it. I can make people happy doing it. I can make myself happy doing it. Succeeding has never been about millions of dollars or achieving a certain level of fame. It is the REALISTIC assumption that I can be doing this at 90-years-of-age in my little home by a river. Forever free from worry that you’ll like it or won’t like it. (But touched beyond words if you do!)

So. If you’re still reading this, there’s a reason. What is your reason? (It could be that you’re an incredible friend of mine who has constantly supported me—and for that, I thank you.) But if we are not (yet) friends, I ask you this: Do you have something nagging at you? What is your passion? What is on the TOP of your bucket list? Are there questions I don’t know about that you have to answer? If there are, I hope you hear that trustworthy, loving, accepting voice in your head that helps you move into it without fear.

I dare you to listen. I dare you to try. I dare you to learn. I dare you to succeed.

Thanks for reading,
e